*******SPOILERS********
To preface this article I was genuinely excited to see this movie. So much hype, 12 years of build up, the baddest bad guy, the best good guys and unheard of scale. So much pop culture significance and I was painfully disappointed. So if you’re expecting a nerd rage hate filled review, you may get it before this is done but Im going to TRY and lay things out fairly. If you’re not someone who has spent time and money on the Marvel cinematic universe you might find all of this frivolous and ridiculous and would just tell me to shut up and enjoy it because its a kids movie. Alas, I can’t.
To start Avengers: Endgame exists to soak up another couple billion dollars for Disney in toys, merchandise and exposure. I think we all get that, and understand its business not a filmmakers passion project of a story they HAVE to tell. Theres a checklist Disney hands the filmmaker and rather than plot, or character depth they need ‘moments’… Captain America lifting Thors hammer, Iron Man sacrificing himself, a girl power rush, a battle of such massive scale only the final movie could contain it… etc.
Disney is an absolute juggernaut that controls Marvel, Star Wars and now all the intellectual properties of 20th century Fox not to mention nearly 100 years of Disneys own. They control such a gigantic amount of existing intellectual properties they damn near control pop culture at this point. They have financial obligations and ideological ideas to push rather than making a good film nowadays. For the masses they can get away with it, what will people turn to? Aquaman? Yikes.
For the fanboys like myself that showed up to the first Iron Man on opening night, and The Force Awakens on opening night we aren’t the main concern. They have international audiences to appease, ideological fanatics not to offend but cater to, and merchandise to sell. This shows in End Game.
The movie is a mess, in tone, structure, plot points, and character development. They had a lot of characters to deal with and they stuffed every ounce of shit they could into the movie. So much could have been cut or shortened in order to focus more on central characters or an A story. Unfortunately unlike Infinity War which was Thanos’s movie and benefited from a central figure, this movie has none.
“Im sure almost everyone KNEW that all the people snapped out of existence were coming back.”
Before getting into the movie, lets talk about the expectations most people had entering in. Im sure almost everyone KNEW that all the people snapped out of existence were coming back. Whether its because you’ve seen the previews for upcoming movies starring those disappeared characters or you know a Disney movie wouldn’t let the bad guy permanently win or you know about contracts behind the scenes for multiple movie deals on the characters that disappeared or Dr Strange literally went to the future and saw them win or otherwise. They were all coming back, and we wanted to see how. Most people could guess they would be snapped back, or time travel or both would be involved. Some also know that Robert Downey Jr and Chris Evans both had contracts ending so we’re all pretty sure they’re going to die or be taken out of the equation for future movies in some manner. So whether a distant fan or a die hard fanboy, a lot of people already knew the basic plot of this movie before even going in and hoped maybe they could subvert some of the expectations.
Then we have the plot lines of interest to me… maybe you too..
– Why wouldn’t Hulk come out in Infinity War? How do Bruce and Hulk reconcile? What will make Hulk snap in anger rage fueled insanity and kick all kinds of crazy ass?
– What happens with Loki? Will he come back? Did he have any kind of plan?
– What epic shit will Thor do now that he’s literally lost his entire family, his home planet and this battle?
– Will Nebula get control of the gauntlet like in the comic and do some crazy shit?
– How does Tony Stark die?
– Will Gamora be brought back, even though the snap isn’t what killed her? Will Vision?
– Does Captain America die? Does he get a happy ending? Does he do some epic unexpected business? Will he pass on the mantle of Captain America or someone take it up?
– How did Antman get out of the quantum realm? Did someone help him? did he figure out something mind shattering there? Will there be jokes of him going into Thanos’s ass and re-enlarging?
– Does Captain Marvel get absolutely any depth to the character whatsoever?
– How much time has passed since Infinity war? What dark and ugly stones are turned over in them coping with the loss?
So with those points of interest out there, lets get into the movie.
Its starts with Hawkeye in a mellow downtime with his family while on house arrest at his country home after the events of Civil War. Nice and mellow and sets the stage for the emotion we’ll all get into. The snap wiped out half of all living things in the universe and we now see Hawkeye lose every single member of his family. I liked it, it was understated but still gave some big stakes and shows what has happened to our characters from the perspective of one of the most grounded characters.
Then it shifts tone 180 degrees to Tony Stark and Nebula playing with a paper football adrift in space. A very awkward choice that almost immediately guts the build up of emotion you get with Hawkeyes family being snapped out of existence. Then we get the worn down, tired, and skinny Tony who’s fought an infection from Thanos stabbing him through the stomach. He pulls out his helmet and decides to leave a good bye note to his love Pepper Potts and he’s pretty defeated. They’re out of food, and going to run out of oxygen in the morning. Its a bleak look for the signature character, but he’s a genius! Surely he can science some shit up and help him and Nebula get home right? Nope. For no apparent reason, with no build up or intrigue Captain Feminism just shows up in the middle of the entire universe and finds them adrift. To which she literally carries them all the way back to earth to rejoin the Avengers. Ok, that was pretty easy and lame… but on we go!
The remaining Avengers have assembled, they have lost the biggest battle ever and Thanos won. They are all dealing with the loss in different ways and Tony Stark gets his big moment to tear them all down, weakened and beat. He goes on a tirade of how he was right, and he knew this was coming and no longer wanted any part of them or the fight and promptly passes out. Fair enough, this stays true to the characters pride and arrogance and anger from the loss. Ill take it, not amazing but makes sense. Now the remaining characters state the fact we all already know… they need the infinity stones to reverse what Thanos has done.
BAM! They search the entire universe and find the same energy signature that came from the snap… lets roll!
They come out to this planet to find farmer Thanos crippled and looking worse than we remember, what happened? In a diabolical move he used the infinity stones to destroy the infinity stones. I like it! He’s accomplished his mission, he removes the temptation for more changes even from himself and makes his work permanent. This is when I’m certain time travel will be a later plot point… Thor chops his head off, we all wallow in defeat for 5 years.
We see everyone coping the best they can, black widow is new nick fury, and they all are just going through the motions of life after their defeat. Then poof Ant Man comes back from the quantum realm! Holy shit, everythings different, what happened? yaddah yaddah yaddah, we gotta do the time travels with quantum realm, tony help us, standard refusal of the call, ok.. I can’t rest when I can help, Tony stark dicks around and figures out time travel… The hulk loses all interesting character intrigue and is a bitch now, but we’re doing time travel. Soooooo, anything bad that ever happens in MCU? time travel can fix it. Not very creative, and lots of problems but here we go.
Lets gather the troops! In comes Thor Lebowski. Rocket and Hulk find a fat, drunk, video game playing loser Thor.. and talk him into helping out. Im not upset at the choice, it subverted expectations, it was funny, and he is coping in his own way. Black widow finds hawkeye who’s a vicious vigilante or his other identity Ronin. No issues here, he descended into darkness I get it… it fits.
Now.. the time heist. Its so ridiculous it gets its own banter from the characters mocking other time travel rules from movies. Apparently in this time travel, there are no paradoxes and any time travel just creates another dimension of reality. Going back and killing baby Thanos wouldnt stop what he’s done, meeting early versions of themselves doesn’t mess up anything.
Alrighty… So they split into groups to steal the infinity stones. Some go to the attack on New York in 2012, Thor and Rocket to Asgard, nebula and war machine to Morag, and black widow and hawkeye to get the soul stone.
In the process of this they just need to take the infinity stones and then return them to the exact time and place they got them… As explained by Dr. Stranges Ancient One to Bitch Bruce Banner.. its all very convenient. A little hiccup here and there… and they get the stones but not before future Nebula and past Nebulas minds co-mingle and her entire memory is broadcast to past Thanos who finds out he did it and accomplished his destiny. So Thanos now knows the whole plot and sends still evil past-Nebula to the future to screw everything up. Cap fights past Cap which was a cool moment, and Tony meets his dad in 1970 also a cool moment. In the end though its extremely convoluted, no real rules, no real stakes it mostly falls flat except for Hawkeye and Black Widow on Vormir.
What should have been a huge emotional shock to the audience BW and Hawkeye fight over who gets to sacrifice themselves to save everyone and get the Soul Stone. Unfortunately there just wasn’t enough emotional foundation to give it weight. BW is a major character who’s been in the game since damn near the beginning and her death should have been a gut punch, but it just wasn’t. It was poorly executed and BW wasn’t given enough oomph to make her a significant loss and thats a bummer, it could have been a powerful scene.
So they now have all the stones! Time to put the new glove on that was just made with no fanfare. Even though Thanos had to murder an entire colony of dwarves and torture one into make a glove powerful enough to hold the stones… Our guys just poof one onto screen. So who’s powerful enough to wield it? Not Lebowski Thor, or where the fuck is Captain Marvel? Nope, Bitch Hulk is up to the task. He tosses it on, burns up his arm and snaps everyone back who was removed in the original snap. Easy Peasy.
BUT WAIT! Past Nebula is now bringing past Thanos to the current time, and he bombs the ever loving shit out of the Avengers base. Ruh-Roh. So the fully loaded gauntlet is now everyones responsibility to keep away from Thanos… Hey Thor, use your new bi-frost powered hammer and transport it away, literally any where in the universe! Nope. Hey guys grab a jet and fly it outta here! Nope. Dr. Strange, teleport it somewhere else! Nope. Instead Hawkeye the human with no super abilities, football run this around and try to keep it away. If they did any of that, we wouldn’t get the most epic scene of the movie….
The coolest part of the movie, Captain America is able to wield Thors hammer and is now worthy of all his power. We get an absolutely awesome fight with Cap-Thor vs. Thanos. I enjoyed it a great deal, every punch. Then Thanos breaks his unbreakable shield and tosses him off to unleash his massive army and horde of monsters. He explains he’s going full universal genocide, its time to wipe out everything and start again with grateful people who have no memory of what was lost. Awesome bad guy moment. Then whats this? A Dr. Strange teleport tunnel? Oh shit, all the disappeared characters are back in full good guy army force with epic army vs army face off. But a few awesome moments doesn’t make an awesome movie.
The battle rages and Captain Feminism shows up again destroying Thanos’s prime ship by flying through it twice and it crashes. Ok. Then she comes down and fights Thanos directly who eventually pulls the power stone off to punch her lights out. Clever move by Thanos to be met with the most awkward shoe horned in moment of the movie. Somehow, by a weird call to estrogen every single person on screen is a female hero who then rushes in. Please don’t take me for a misogynist… I like pretty much all the female heroes in the MCU except Captain Marvel, but this moment was so painfully awkward and forced it literally had a movie goer next to me laugh with a “what the fuck” muttered under his breathe and heavy eye roll from myself. I was no longer immersed in the movie, I was just watching a movie at that point.
While our battle rages, past-still alive-Gamora cuts loose future Nebula who… Shoots and kills herself… from the past.. I gotta say, your time travel rules are awful convenient and lame. No fade out, no death of herself, she just kills past Nebula and lives on. No consequences! Yay!
Back to the battle at hand we see Giant Man punch a monster, the armies of Asgard, Wakanda, the guardians of the galaxy and the Ravagers all battle it out. Then completing an actually very poignant character arc from selfish to selfless Iron Man is able to steal all the stones from Thanos’s gauntlet and snap the entire bad guy army out of existence. At the cost of his life, he defeats the ultimate bad guy.
The movie comes to an end with a funeral for Tony Stark and everyone in attendance left alive, including the kid from Iron Man 3 that no-one recognized. Thor makes Valkyrie queen of new Asgard then connects with the Guardians of the Galaxy. Captain America goes back in time to return the stones and Thors old hammer, but like Iron Man completes his character arc. Cap goes from Selfless to selfish and stays back in time with Peggy Carter for the remainder of his life. When he doesn’t return the guys find him sitting off to the side as an old man who’s lived a full quiet life and he passes the shield on to Falcon.
Thus concludes the movie with no end credits scene… just the sound of a hammer working on a piece of metal. Whew. 3 hours. The end of an era, but not really cause they’ll never stop making MCU movies when they make this much money.
Upon music and credits stoppage, I was immediately disappointed. Usually a big movie takes a little time to really set in my disappointment through reflection and analysis but Avengers End Game had me disappointed upon finish. Not because of character deaths, or a bad moment here or there, but just in how clunky this wrap up was.
Going back to my expectations and hopes prior to watching we can go over them
Why wouldn’t Hulk come out in Infinity War? How do Bruce and Hulk reconcile? What will make Hulk snap in anger rage fueled insanity and kick all kinds of crazy ass?
No answers, and Hulk is just wiped out with Bitch Banner and no longer has the dangerous and wild duality that makes the character interesting. No insane flip out with anger and rage. Absolutely trashed one of my favorite characters.
– What happens with Loki? Will he come back? Did he have any kind of plan?
Loki is alive! Past Loki just losing the battle of New York is now out there but with none of the character development of the past 7 years and possibly no love or respect for Thor any more. Interesting, but that originally Loki killed by Thanos is gone.
– What epic shit will Thor do now that he’s literally lost his entire family, his home planet and this battle?
He became a fat, drunk, loser. Honestly I kinda liked it. It subverted the expectations, got a little humor in but when the opportunity came to save trillions of people he just stayed an idiot and wandered off for a wine cellar and his mommy. Literally. That moment was weak, but the idea was interesting.
– Will Nebula get control of the gauntlet like in the comic and do some crazy shit?
NOPE!
– How does Tony Stark die?
Pretty great character arc completed along with his contract and he went from selfish to selfless. Pretty convenient snap to fix everything but hey, not the worst.
– Will Gamora be brought back, even though the snap isn’t what killed her? Will Vision?
So past Gamora lives on and has no love for Quill, and doesn’t really know anyone but she’s back. GOTG 3 could be interesting.
– Does Captain America die? Does he get a happy ending? Does he do some epic unexpected business? Will he pass on the mantle of Captain America or someone take it up?
Hey, Cap lived! He got a quiet life with the love of his life after everything he went through. He lifted Thors hammer, and had a badass fight with Thanos, then to my surprised past the baton to Falcon and not Bucky. Interesting twist. All in all he had a good movie, and end to his characters run.
– How did Antman get out of the quantum realm? Did someone help him? did he figure out something mind shattering there? Will there be jokes of him going into Thanos’s ass and re-enlarging?
He just… appeared… after 5 years. He deduces time travel from his time there, and kicks off the plot, but otherwise super bland character arc. Not one thanks butthole joke! Missed some good meta-internet humor there guys.
– Does Captain Marvel get absolutely any depth to the character whatsoever?
Hahahahahaha. Nope.
So all in all this was a really disappointing film for a long time fan of Marvel comics and the MCU. I felt like it was a pretty bad misfire, but will still possibly make more money than any movie in history. Thus perpetuating the cycle of Disneys movie conveyor belt without much thought on story.
I have no idea if anyone feels the way I do, or will at all. If you have a retort to my thoughts Id love to hear it. Am i wrong? am i right? Im hugely curious. Am I just an angry old man telling them kids to get off my lawn!?
Let me know in the comments below. Thanks.
